Today, I am getting a vasectomy.

I'm not terribly worried about the procedure, since I'm sure it's going to be fairly quick and painless. I just hate being incapacitated for the next few days. I'm not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds for nearly a week. A WEEK.

Bleah.

And of course, item #7 on the little packet from the doctor's office doesn't really bring me much comfort either:

Most fellows will have a bit of bruising in the area of the scrotal incisions and perhaps a bit of swelling. Large welling (tennis ball, softball size) is unusual. If unusually large swelling occurs, please call our office between the hours of 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. during the week.

Softball size.

And I'm the guy that tends to attract unusual occurrences. Delightful.